The Comical Relief Tale Of A Miranda
by gilglos
Summary: A creature named A Miranda meets Gandalf while locked up in a mirkwood dungeon and A Miranda provides a few laughs for all to enjoy
1. A Miranda and the piece of paper

The Comical Relief Tales Of A Miranda…

And other burra-hobbits

In the deep of Mirkwood a horn sounded, signaling the beginning of the hunt. The wood elves were hunting A Miranda to be a sacrifice. 

Now _don't ask me what A Miranda is, I don't even know, but it is apparently a she. She could be a horse or a dog, know one knows, but I do know from myth and lore, that A Miranda is a wild, odd thing and though not extremely dangerous (but to your mental health she is and don't ask me how, because that is another mystery that will never apparently solved) every one is afraid of her. Now can I return to this stupid tale? Good._

            The sacrifice that A Miranda was needed for, was for the Prince of Mirkwood, Legolas Greenleaf (or in just plain English- Greenleaf Greenleaf) A Miranda was needed to sing for the Prince to heal a wound that he was given in battle by a warg. Once finally caught, after quite a struggle in the forest with the large spiders who had somehow managed to catch her in their webs, the vocal noises made by A Miranda healed the grateful and yet ungrateful prince, for he had not said so much as a "thank you" after having to listen to an hour worth of horrible music. What was in some countries called music (though not anywhere near Middle Earth) had broken the spell binding the front cave door as well as shaking the stones and dirt from the caverns ceiling causing five collapses. One on the king himself!

            A Miranda was put in shackles, a straitjacket and an impenetrable glass muzzle and taken to the deepest, darkest dungeon. The same dungeon where 123 years, 4 months, 5 days, 6 hours, 37 minutes, 89 seconds, and 10 milliseconds, to be _very_ precise, Thorin himself was held captive on his trip to the lonely mountain. A Miranda was given an orc to eat, since know one knows what she really eats, and besides the orc was the next unwanted creature to be caught. She was held captive there, forcing her guards to listen to her never ending ranting and it was not like she had anything better to do if you are complaining already.

***

One day while Gandalf the Blue was visiting the cavern, and since the door still was not fixed (the magic that bound it has long been forgotten), he was imported to try to fix the door and if he could put a stronger spell on it that is A Miranda proof. Gandalf upon noticing that everyone was avoiding him demanded to be told why from the King. The King then asked his courtiers who, after more demands told the king in whispers that "anything that can fix _HER_ evil spell, is evil themselves." And that was all he could get out of them for a long time(well a short time in the woodelves life span). When the King told Gandalf the Blue what his courtiers had whispered and after explaining as best he could, with out the knowledge of what she is, about A Miranda to a Gandalf the Blue who had already begun roaring with laughter.

            After several deep breaths and wiping tears from his eyes, Gandalf the Blue demanded to be taken to this creature, stating " that it would help to fix your front door faster, instead of having to sit on the doorstep and think of the spell. Or I could go and tell Necromancer that your cavern is not capable to withstand an attack." After looking at it the threatening way the King ordered two guards to take him "to their captive" and after waiting impatiently for several minutes till they composed what was left of their composure (they were crying like little girls because they didn't want to go near _her). They followed Gandalf the Blue, then after fully regaining their composure they lead the way down a twist of endless mazes and labyrinths, then suddenly stopped in the middle of a hall, causing Gandalf to fall on top of them. Hitting the rough floor the guards motioned for Gandalf the Blue to continue on down the hall. After hastily smacking the guards for their incompetence he got up and began walking down the hall muttering under his breath. He was mostly muttering at how foolish elves could be, when the guards suddenly called out to Gandalf to "hold your head when you go near her…" and shut instantly up thinking they had said too much._

            Meanwhile A Miranda was starring at the orc she was supposed to eat. The orc began starring hungrily back at her, then began to advance trying to grab her when, _Wham! The orc got a slap in the head, returning stunned to his corner. "Weren't you told that it is not polite to eat a lady? I'm hungry to but at least I don't eat the first thing I see." The orc who had yet again begun to stare at A Miranda began to drool. __Smack! " It is not polite to drool in a lady's presence." An old blue man stepped into view from the barred door, "hello?" _

"Hello, do you have food? I mean REAL food…? No? To bad." A Miranda says with a sigh.

 "Oh you talk, how… nice." 

"Yes. You blue man are stating the obvious, I shall call you Captain Obvious. I can do what you call talk, more than this overgrown skin purse cowering in the corner can do. But can you tell this large ugly creature that it is not polite to drool or eat a lady in that lady's presence." The only thing Gandalf does is look at her amazed at the riddles she speaks, more confusing than his own riddles, now he knew what the guards were talking about. " And maybe you could give me the curtsey of sending a decent meal down here, where ever here is… and maybe some decent clean air (both look at orc, who shrugs) would be nice to freshen up this large, though rather cramped (yet again both look at the orc who is to blame) brown box? Then we might be able to get somewhere."

"What is this somewhere that you speak of?" riddles the blue man, formerly known as Captain Obvious "and maybe you could tell me of what business brings you here?" 

"Well here, I was told that I was going to be a sacrifice and at this state I am very pleased to be a sacrifice... to have a apple in my mouth, mumm." As A Miranda drifts off into wondrous thought of food, the orc yet again advances. _Wham! The orc gets hit, again._

 "A large talk-it-ive and rather violent mouth it is, tell me does it ever stay shut for a proper amount of time to take a breath?" 

"Do you?"

 "Well stated…what do you want to eat, may I truly inquire?"

 "I do not recognize these words you use, speak English… Ok, still not getting anywhere, maybe a hamburger and fries to humble the hungry…please?" 

"What is this hamburger that you speak of?"

 "You know… ok so you don't, a hamburger is basically cow meat in a patty with cut up baked potato slices that are called french fries. Oh forget it, just bring me a cow and I will make a hamburger myself." _Poof! A cow appeared, making the dungeon even more cramped, and all still blamed it on the orc. "Wow! That was like magic or something!"_

 "For the higher being that you appear to be, playing with Valor like that, you are very narrow minded, much like Peregrin Took." A Miranda still focused on the cow in front of her asks,

 " How am I supposed to eat it?" Poof! Appeared a piece of paper. "Ok less risk of hurting myself, but couldn't you have done much better, like a letter opener or something just as _not_ sharp?" Once again Gandalf stares dumbfounded. "Fine, fine, paper, paper cut, not a good idea must be careful, now for food." She raises her arm with the paper to cut the cow, and possibly threaten the cowering orc who at this point after being smacked so many times was beginning to resemble a baboon, and Swoosh, a squirt of blood. "Oh, help. Now how did I do that? Some how I cut my leg and it, well hurts." Gandalf begins to giggle (giggle, a grown man giggle? I'm writing this and it is confusing me), "ok I am bleeding profusely now, could I perhaps have a Band-Aid, maybe a large Band-Aid…oh come on help! Maybe I could use a shirt, or a towel, something, _help_!" A chuckle now, accompinied by some snorts. "Help… everything… going black..." 

"Hum" stops chuckling; "she fainted." The orc slipped past the cow and slowly came up to A Miranda when, _Smack!_

 "Weren't you ever told never creep up on a fainted person you creep?" The orc covering his face from A Miranda quickly backed into the cow. Moooo!

 "Ahhhhhhhhhhh" shereked the orc, just like a newborn child. Laughter now proceeding at full speed. The orc turned around running smack into the stonewall, and falling unconscious underneath the cows face. 

" Hope that did not, ok I lied, I hope that did do some permanent damage to his already puny brain." A full roar came from outside the dungeon. "Oh and _STILL_ need a Band-Aid." The orc slowly awoke to a …moo! Another scream, getting milk into the orcs eye for startling the cow. More laughterous roar from outside the dungeon. The orc screamed again and upon trying to get up accidentally tipped the cow over, killing it. "That's one way to do the job, now why didn't I think of that, oh yah because (_Slap_!) It is harmful to animals. (_Slap_!)"

"Maybe the orc has a larger brain than you, no wait you confuse even me, the smartest wizard, never mind."

"Don't make me hit you either. You really think highly of yourself, Captain Obvious and you said that you are smart, I confuse everyone even back home."

"And where is that home?" then muttering under breath "so we could happily return you to people who are probably annoyed enough with her already so that they will kill her and I won't have to get my nice, neat hands dirty"

"I heard that! Oh and your hands are already dirty."

"What? Ahhhhh. Oh you were joking you scoundrel."

"Thank you, thank you very much" smirks and speaks much like Elvis. 

"Those of you uneducated people, or just the ones with only half a brain, Elvis is a major part of our musical history (to which this story is somehow connected), he goes back, ok so I'm not that old and I forgot the date anyway."

 "Who was that person?"

"No idea my guess is the narrator or author, who is doing an excellent job AT FULLY _TICKING ME OFF!"_

"I didn't know that you were a clock."(That was the author) A Miranda started laughing along with the orc who has once again returned to cowering in the corner, because even though the cow is dead, he's still afraid of it. When noticing that the orc is afraid of the cow A Miranda questioned to herself, " and I thought orcs were scared only of their reflection, no wait, I don't remember what is afraid of their reflection. It will come to me sooner or later (speaking about both the orc and who ever is afraid of their reflection)."

"If I were the writer I would tick you off to, and orcs have their weaknesses too, mine happens to be _that" (and that was the stupid ugly orc pointing to the cow)._

"Oh! The stupid ugly thing can talk, good, now you can shut up." A Miranda begins to raise her hand at the orc but he turns and _smacks_ his own head on the wall, knocking _himself_ out. "Well at least we don't have to deal with him anymore…wait what is that smell? (Sniffs the air) oh Valor it is the orc!" A Miranda runs to the dungeon door, at least as far as she could go near the door after trying to run with heavy metal shackles around her feet. "Let me out, let me out, I can't breathe! Oh the stench, oh the humanity!"

"I should leave you in there for agreeing with the stupid, idiotic, rude, mean…"

"Are you going to continue because I am about to faint and besides I would stop it before she writes in something _really bad to happen to you, like oh say, locking YOU in hear with Mr. Smelly!"_

"OK just don't give _IT anymore ideas!"_

"Deal, now hurry I can't breath, gasping for breath here, dying from stench, fumes starting to get to brain, unbearable… oh thank you for FINALLY (_smack_!) Opening the door!" tries to run through the door, but is still shackled "_help!" __Poof! A spoon appeared! "What am I to do with a spoon? And I can't use my arms, remember, they are behind me, (starts bashing it against the shackle with the spoon in her mouth)."_

"No, no, no you are using it wrong, use the end of the spoon as a key…wrong end." _Click!_

"I'm free, I'm free, (tries to stand up but is still in her straitjacket). Don't suppose you could help me out of this? Oh Valor, the smell, ok I'm coming."

"Now that I helped you, could you help me fix the cavern door, and since I am going to get into trouble with the king for letting you out, could you sometime show me how to make this hamburger thing that you spoke of. By the way we, I mean _you should keep quiet since the king will be mad enough for letting you out but to take off your shackles, but somehow sound still comes through your glass muzzle. How much on Valor's side are you? Hold on the muzzle is cracked! That was supposed to be impenetrable!"_

"What ever you say Captain Obvious. I guess Mr. Smelly cracked it after I fainted"

"I don't see how that is possible but _stop calling me that! I am Gandalf the Blue, call me that." Locks the door behind A Miranda, locking the smelly orc with the poor dead cow._

A Miranda had slowly started singing "This is the song that never ends" while walking down the hall to meet the guards. 

Gandalf who had begun to give A Miranda the death glare finally spoke up asking A Miranda sternly "I thought I told you to stay quite while it is unknown that you are out of your dungeon." So because the author of this story still wants to tick Gandalf off more, A Miranda starts to hum the song instead of just singing it horribly.

            After a while they appeared in the sight of the guards who instantly started weeping again at the sight of her. A Miranda still had the spoon with her and had begun brandishing her spoon in her mouth and accidently cut off one of the guard's arms just as the king stepped into the hallway from another passage.

            "Why is my best archers arm on the ground? Why is his arm, well where his arm used to be, bleeding profusely? Why is SHE out of her dungeon? Why did you let her out Gandalf? Why is she trying to attach his arm on his head?" A Miranda who had just been caught as she had been trying to… well yes since there is not other way to put it, attach the guards arm to his head she carefully laid his arm across his shoulder and began sing "this is the king that never shuts up in her head. What? You don't know that song? Well I don't either but that is what she began to sing in her head for about twenty minutes until she heard her name mentioned and she tuned back into what the king was saying.

            "Why do you want to keep her Gandalf? Why should I let her become your responsibility? Why am I asking WHY? Why are you questioning my authority? Why AM I asking why? Why is it beginning to really smell?" All look at A Miranda who stared blankly at them for she had tuned out again and when she noticed them all staring at her…

            "What? It's not me, honestly people that smell is Mr. Smelly in his grouse flesh. Really."

            "Why is she talking? Why don't we all follow my idea? Why doesn't gandalf go lock her back up, no wait I have a better idea? Why doesn't Gandalf go kill her? Why am I getting better ideas than the last? Why doesn't Gandalf take HER away and never return? Why don't you do it NOW?"

"Well your highness (a Miranda thinks "he is high wait I thought he was king and was supposed to be calm and sober?) If you had listened earlier, well twenty minutes ago I suggested that question but you disregarded MY authority Again. If you had come to that conclusion earlier everyone present would have been spared this never ending stupid speech and we could all be doing something useful right now."

"Why did I just get a good idea for everyone to do? Why doesn't everyone EVACUATE the cavern palace? Why doesn't Gandalf take HER far far away? WHY isn't anyone evacuating the palace?" and so the palace and all nearby premises were evacuated due to the horrid smell. Gandalf and A Miranda were sent on their way.

Leaving the mirkwood forest A Miranda early in the morning before the sun rises after spending a good part of the night laughing at A Miranda and her paper cut which was still bleeding steadily and having to put up with the king the next day came upon our two annoying main characters as they were leaving Mirkwood. A Miranda started singing "John Jacob Jingle Himmer Smith" in her head. When she arrived at the part where she would scream "John Jacob Jingle Himmer Smith, Da da da da da da da" she gave into the impulse to scream the words. She walked into a sharp point, for A Miranda had not noticed that when she had screamed all the woodelves that had been following them for some reason, on the tree branches had jumped down and surrounded her. They had their arrows strung on their bows forming a circle around her.

            "Do want me to leave or not? Are you afraid of me hurting myself, ok again, or hurting Gandalf or….."

            And as you can imagine since the woodelves had ticked her off and for some unknown reason they would not let her leave so she yelled at them till 3 in the morning the next day. Which they were held captive where they stood because a Miranda would not shut up and stop scolding them for not letting her leave as the king wanted, as well as what everyone else wanted. Every time one of the elves would try to sneak away a Miranda would notice and begin her speal all over again.

            Finally the next day the woodelves were able to shut a Miranda up and make gandalf stop laughing. And they sent them on their way making them promise only to return when a Miranda is less annoying and not ticked off. If you have noticed the elves were smart on their part because they to, as you have already, noticed that a Miranda is not and never will be less annoying and if you tell her that she will most likely get ticked off at you, so please don't for your own sanity, and so a Miranda could never return to mirkwood forest.

"Ok time for you to review. Did you like? Did you laugh? Did you want to throw yourself out of I three-story window? I know I did. But please review so a Miranda could get the bath she so desperately needs since she has begun to smell like Mr. Smelly. Ok I would like to thank Gandalf and…. Oh time is up, so join me next time for… The Next Chapter!!!! Yeah!!!! (That was said like a game show or an awards show). Don't you just love my insaneness? I know I do for it is my best friend and keeps me warm and crazy."


	2. the oddness of them all

            Gandalf led the most annoying A Miranda through the lonely mountains to the shire in a record time of four days, seven hours, fifty-three minutes and 12 mili-seconds, which is if you are asking-by shire reckoning. A Miranda was always grumbling about food since they had none and was force to eat what berries she could find on the path.i mean who leaves for a long trip without any food? These berry bushes seemed to magically appear every two miles because that was when A Miranda began grumbling again, and again so to shut her up Gandalf magiced  the bushes up from somewhere else in Middle Earth. So it is dually noted that some berry farm, probably in the shire to which he is headed, is missing bushes that will cause the crop amount to decreased also causing the farmer to get very ticked off, But Gandalf also had an ulterior motive besides to tick off even more people. If A Miranda had berries in her mouth she could not speak which is a very large plus.

            But the berries did not stop a very bored Miranda from singing songs like "Hi, my name is Joe" or "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" which to point out that it did not get on Gandalf's nerves that were already worn thin to the point that when he got to the shire and would put someone else, maybe a Meridoc Brandybuck, would make his day like he had found the pot of gold, nay two hundred pots of gold at the end of the rainbow, but then again why would a wizard who doesn't even pack food when he leaves for some far away place, want gold?

            When they finally reached the outskirts of the Shire Gandalf could not help but jump for joy.

 "You looked like a two year old who just received a Barbie doll, not the respected (hump- respected how could he ever be respected with this I am sooo better than you attitude) wizard that you are, Captain Obvious. oh great now I am stating the obvious thank you so much." A Miranda so jokingly, then fumingly, said. Great once again a miranda was just a little more than ticked off. Obviously she had one, fine a little, ok  TO many berries from the berry bush. 

"how often do you ever shut up? And wait didn't you tell the orc…"

"who Mr. Smelly?"

"Yeah him, but now what was I saying? (pauses for several minutes before remembering) didn't you tell that orc that it is not polite to eat with your mouth open?"

"Yes I did… no I didn't your lying and now YOU are confusing ME, then unconfuseable, ok another lye. This is the road that never ends, it just goes on and on my… oh berries. Kjshdjshfjshdfjshfdfshf!"

"What?"

"jhdfjhshfjsdhfjfsnruexdvndhrfs!!"

"whatever, I am not listening to you."

"jhuwesdvbndshfjhn!!!!(finally swallows the mouthful of berries) I SAID that I have to pee."

"very lady like."

"now I REALLY have to pee! (she shuffles over to a bush to do her business) and starts singing "this is the pee that never ends" and after about five minutes she emerged to notice a Gandalf who had sat down on a log and begun reading a book, he had been giggling to himself (what? Only girls giggle? if you think that you are very racist because it is a lye)

"are you ready to continue? I have urgent business and you have just delayed me for quite a while. I know you have not gone to the bathroom since we left Mirkwood, but seriously did you have to make a new river?"

"I had urgent business too you know, if you hadn't noticed, but I am one who does not get something out of my system, especially berries, fast. But on and on we go down the road that never ends" stated Miranda who was now quite relived and in a usually happy mood and spoke in a sing song voice.

"fine come follow me so we can return to business, noo not that business you Pereigrin took ( a Miranda had turned around and was about to go back behind the bush) if you held it this long and went for that long I do not believe that you will have to go again."

"I don't but you said… fine never mind and stop giving me the death glare. Besides I patented the death glare years ago, here if you don't believe me I have the certificate right her – number 45,789 of my patented certificates and yes everything I do is patented or in your case- copywrited. Which brings me to point out that you have not once gone to the bathroom since we began this god awful trip. What is your business anyway?"

"That is not your concern."

"Ok come on we should have a conversation, or I will start singing this is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friend, some people started singing it not knowing what it was and…"

"Fine, fine, I have noticed that you have a fetish with that song and seem rather taken with it."

"Don't change the subject. Hey you're not stating the obvious! Oh wait yes you, are my mistake."

"You seem to make a lot of mistakes don't you."

"I do not"

"Yes you do"

"Do not"

"Do to"

"Do not"

"Do to"

"Do, wait what were we fighting about again? And while you are explaining it to me you can wipe that smug look of your face… hey you changed the subject again! Now tell me your business in the shire or I will start sing hi my name is Joe, I work in a button factory, I have a wife and a dog and a family…"

"You seem to be quite taken with that one to. Do you have a courtier? I hope you do just so I can tell what ever it is that you are taken with something else. Besides which you act like a two, no wait a newborn."

"Do not"

"Do to"

"Do not"

"Do to"

And so they went on like this all the way to Bag End. Where Gandalf told Miranda to "go five rows down, cross three rivers, walk past 6 cabbage patches that are on the left and go into the seventh house." And so a Miranda went and followed his directing after repeating them twice to make sure she got them right. She went five rows down, crossed three rivers walked past six cabbage patches but by that point forgot the rest, you cant rely on a Miranda to remember directions and it is no use to write them down because she will lose the paper, or once again cut herself with it and throw it away because it is evil.

"Was it two houses or four houses?" she kept wondering but that got her right where she began, with no idea so she turned around and went pass six cabbage patches on the right, crossed three rivers, and went two rows up. If you were wondering or hadn't noticed yet, she was a very lost creature and kept going in circles until a curious tiny weenie hobbit caught her attention by throwing a pebble at her head, but since the hobbit was so small the pebble only reached a Miranda's knee. But then again a Miranda wouldn't take the hint even if it smacked her in the face. Which is just what the tiny hobbit did, she climbed up onto a low branch of a bush next to where a Miranda was circling, she climbed up until she was at face height and walked to the end of the branch. When a Miranda walked by, wham! Right in the face jumped a tiny hobbit and held fast to a Miranda's nose, but it was still minutes in which the poor hobbit could not hold on for much longer, before a Miranda even noticed that there was something on her nose and made to flick it off when she realized it was an insie weenise person. The small hobbit asked a Miranda to where she was headed and though she didn't know she just replied to "find Gandalf". The small hobbit told a Miranda the way and hoped down off of her nose and then when a Miranda walked off following the directions and the hobbit followed a Miranda, though at slower pace because of her short legs but she followed because she figured that this was a thing that forgot easily, which that is exactly what a Miranda is. At least this hobbit had more sense than Gandalf did. Of cause you weren't stuck with her for as long as he was so that is probably why, that and he was just plain annoyed with her and didn't care anymore.

When a Miranda finally reached bag end, after a few mistakes of turning down the wrong street then being punched lightly, or to the hobbit hardly, in the leg and got back on the right path, hey wow Gandalf was right for once, a Miranda does make a lot of mistakes. A Miranda went up to the door just as Gandalf came out and ran smack into each other. The papers that Gandalf had been carrying were now strewn across the walkway. As a very grumpy Gandalf stood up he noticed that his gray clothes were now a dirtier gray and he screeched at the grime and the disgustingness of his own clothes. A Miranda looked feebly up at him and made to pick up all the papers.

"Curse these hobbits. Just when I need them the most, they listen to me and leave for the prancing pony. Curse them." He kept on cursing them and banging his staff on his head until a Miranda stepped up to him and handed him his papers. "What? I am quite dumbfounded; you are doing a kind deed! Is the end of the world coming?"

"Never mind, wait you just insulted me I WILL NOT never mind that. You stupid inconsiderate feeble minded fool…"

"of a took?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Don't you never mind me, I will not stand for that you punnie brained…." She continued raving at him while the small hobbit tried to hold her back by her ankle witch was to large to wrap her arms around it, she could only reach half way around. Gandalf noticed that a large crowd of hobbits was gathering around them at the gate, the hobbits were GLAD that finally someone had got up the courage to yell at him, for he caused way to much trouble. Gandalf ushered the still fuming a Miranda and the hobbit who had climbed into a Miranda's sock, into the hallway of Bag End. He had had enough of it. He pulled out the book he had been looking through a while back and opened it to the marked page. 

"hump, trump, steal her dump, wait that cant be right…. Oh wrong page. Righty then. (he stood up to his full height of, well tall and read the spell) tip toe let no see for we are quite annoyed!" and poof a cloud of smoke formed around a Miranda and the unsuspecting hobbit. When the smoke cleared, wait they are still here? The spell backfired Gandalf could still see her! 

"oh sugar mutton. How did that not work?" Gandalf flipped a few pages but them settled back on the one that he had read, shrugged and for the first time noticed the small creature who was swaying dizzily at a Miranda's feet. He reached down to pick her up.

"hello."

"what on middle earth did you just do you stupid over grow dirty rug?" screamed the small hobbit in her screechy voice.

"pardon?"

"you heard me you are a large conceded overgrown lump on a log who meddles in things not of his affairs" was the screamed reply.

"you sound very much like some one else in this room." He glanced at a Miranda who had begun staring innocently at the ceiling.

"don't blame it on her, you should explain your directions more clearly."

A miranda finally butted in "she followed me home can I keep her? I like her very much she reminds me of someone but I cannot place who…."

"look sorry lady but you must go home for I have business to attend to."

"WAIT!!!!!! She followed me home can I keep her? Please, please, please? I wont bother you anymore, no wait that is a lie. But please?"

And so I end it here, sorry for the cliffhanger but Rina, my muse just went on a vacation to Hawaii because it is warm there. She should be back in… um let me get back to you on that. 


	3. Getting to Know Her

"Wait did you say that you will shut up if I let you keep her?"

            "Your putting words in my mouth"

            "Am not"

            "Am to"

            "Am not"

            "Am to"

            "BE QUIET!!!" squeaked the small creature in Gandalf the Blue's hand causing everyone to jump. "I am a person, well no not really but who cares. I can decide on my own. Now then who are you all and why are you here? Come on hurry it up… chop chop!"

            "This is Captain Obvious and I, I, I don't know what I am, no one does, but they call me a Miranda. Please can I keep you? Please, please please?"

            "Now that we have answered why don't you."

            "Huh?"

            "He means what is your name and so on and so forth."

            "Oh I am Rina"

            "Why are you so incredibly small and cute?"

            "I can't explain why I am cute but I can answer the first question. I am a burra hobbit. The smallest burra-hobbit actually. I am a full 2.3 inches tall and proud of it."

            Now those of you are asking what is a burra-hobbit? Well a burra-hobbit is small, very small I should say, for the tallest burra-hobbit stands only 11 inches tall. They tend to like food (but despise mutton that's why their worst swearword is sugar mutton because it is the worst thing anyone has ever tasted, at least to them it is.) and they love a comfortable bed, favoring a hobbit. But burra- hobbits do not exactly like making smoke rings on a pipe with the best southfarthing weed, instead they favor reading in their free time, which they have quite a lot of, which is why even the youngest burra-hobbit can say the biggest words and that is enough to confuse even the smartest men (I have learned that they are easily confused anyways) much like what Gandalf is experiencing with a Miranda. They wear bright colors like royal purple (though none of them are thought to be from royalty), hot pink (wither they are hot is up to you), lime green (love those limes), and tangerine orange (of which everybody likes those two fruits, and if you don't to bad because I say you do… sorry about that my secretary Rina, yes one in the same, loves to command people to her every whim or fancy and no I will not go get your slippers rina) while the hair on their heads tend to be jet black as well as the thick hair on their feet. Walking around bare-foot (who on middle earth would want to wear shoes?) without making a sound is good when they are playing one of their many tricks of the day on the neighbors cat 9and also if you haven't guessed, playing tricks is one of their favorite things to do, besides read). Instead of playing practical jokes, such as placing a bucket of water over a door so that when the door is opened, whoops I gave them an idea. No, they like to throw some of their "magic" at whatever they are playing the trick on and poof! The trick is completed so if you ever see food just appear in your path, don't eat it for it will most likely be filled with jelly or flour that messy's up your clothes, shoot! I gave them another idea. Because of their "magic", burra-hobbits are very good at helping some unsuspecting person in or out of trouble, such as making the door to the village's jail look like a library filled with rare collections (when it is just a regular old jail) sugar mutton! I did it again. Ok so to stop giving those tricksters ideas, I'm going back to the story… 

            "Where do you to come from Gandalf? I have heard of you. But never have I seen you, you are sooooo big, are all people like this?"

            "Yes to you we would be but come now tell us about yourself, it has been a long time since we have had conversation with others, but I am not sure about her though (motioning to a Miranda) I think she might have invisible people talking to her in her head either that or she is talking to herself a lot but I think the first one is dead on. Oh sorry about you…"

            "I am the smallest of my kind, and I mean burra-hobbit small, I live in a tree," she went to continue but a Miranda so rudely interrupted her.

            "Oh so your like a squirrel? What? Stop staring at me, at least I'm not a pipsqueak" and a Miranda stuck out her tongue.

            "No, we live only at the base of the tree, usually having 3 or four rooms, I have three." She stated proudly, " Two out of the three are libraries, the other a kitchen/ pantry."

            "Where do you sleep? Ok still staring at me, stop."

            "Most of us, including me, sleep in their libraries, even if they have a bedroom."

            "And how tall are you?" asked gandalf inquiringly.

            "I am a full 2.3 inches tall and would ask the same from you but I only know how to measure up to a foot and a half. Besides didn't you already ask that?"

            "Lets just say that we are over five of those feet and a halves or is it four? Gandalf I'm confused, I think she confused me."

            "And when are you not? And you confuse yourself so be quiet."

            "Hey that was rude. Don't insult my integigenece, or at least what is left of it since I can't say intelliegencee."

            "Hold on, you are intelligent? I have only known you for a few minutes and you are not intelligent."

            "I agree with Rina on this one a Miranda, oh no you don't get away from my papers. You are not going to give yourself yet another paper cut"

            "I wasn't going to cut me, I was going to give YOU a paper cut."

            "you are a (please insert insult here) what was that? You are a (please insert insult here). What the (please insert dirty word here) what the (please insert dirty word here) how come you can insult me, but I cant insult you is that fair?"

            Both a Miranda and Rina chirped up "yes!"

            "I think the author is trying to tick me off again."

            "Once again I didn't know that you were a clock and you deserve it the way you have been acting." Boomed the author's voice.

            "You are a (please insert insult here)!!! ARRRRFFFFF!!!!! Stop this nonsense right now!"

            "Hey I like nonsense, your lucky I haven't thrown my "magic" on you. You have forgotten that I am a very good trickster." Put in Rina.

            "Yeah I like nonsense to, no wait I like insanity better."

            "YOU IDIOT THEY ARE THE SAME THING!!!"

            "You don't have to shout. And no they aren't, and you're supposed to be smart. Me and Rina vote you off of our island."

            "We aren't on an island and, well you two are (please insert insult here) (please insert insult here) (please insert insult here)….."

And so he continued trying to insult them until the author's secretary Rina, finally stopped writing down what was happening. "Rina believes that from now on the author should write down what is being said." Said Rina. "Well what is the use of having a secretary if she doesn't do your work for you?" challenged the author. 

"And so now the author and her now useless secretary began fighting leaving this reporting Christmas tree to end this story. May I remind you to review and tell them to stop fighting so I can report on a more important incident, hopefully somewhere else in middle earth, somewhere FAR from them. This is the talking Christmas tree reporting for Middle Earth's boringest news signing off." 


	4. the story and the shaving creme

A Miranda, rina and gandalf continued arguing until sunrise the next morning. Finally gandalf got some sense knocked into to him, seriously, and finally stopped arguing and asked rina wither she would continue with them on their quest to, well not that many places since a Miranda was already kicked out of mirkwood and… ok so they were only kicked out of one place but not to worry this is not the end yet more trouble will occur and that is a promise. 

"So are you going to continue with us, I have urgent business and they are not here right now meaning that they have already left for bree and I hope nothing happened to them."

"Gandalf you just read that off of the note they left behind, they had hoped nothing happened to you. You need to learn how to read"

"Do not"

"Do to"

"Do not"

"SHUT UP!!! I have wanted an adventurous life and now that one is presented to me I do not know if I shall take it. But I do like to see a Miranda keep you in line so I think I shall."

"Yeah!!!!! We will have so much fun! I always wanted a, a, what were you again?"

 "I am a burra-hobbit and just because I am small dose not mean that you can just dump me wherever you please."

"Yeah (dances around in her happy dance, and to those of you who don't know that is were she dances around in circles stupidly, but nearly trampled rina who was finally put back down on stable ground after gandalf and a Miranda had started fighting.) Ok now where to?"

"To bree, no wait I believe that after I was delayed by sauraman and found gollum I sent aragorn to bree, he will make sure they are safe while I travel with you's to rivendell, so off to rivendell we go."

"Oh to rivendell we go, to rivendell we go high ho the merry oh to rivendell we go…" and so they left bagend and began down their long road back to the misty mountains. On the way the trio began to exchange adventures, rina had the least amount and gandalf of course had the most, the stories took several days just to get gandalf to shut up about his trip to middle earth. A Miranda told rina of stories she had heard when she was, wait I don't know if she ever was little so instead she just told stories and here lies her account of the oral tales…

"The story of Cinderfrodo and the Wartow, 

Once upon middle earth there lived a little boy and his step uncle and the little boy's stepbrother hobbits, merry and pippin. The little boy's name was cinderfrodo and this is his love story, long ago when cinderfrodo was little, his parents had drown in the Brandywine river since most hobbits cannot swim and they were not an exception. The boy grew up with his step uncle named bilbo baggins. Now our little boy is not really a boy, but a hobbit and the most unusual type of hobbit since he dreamed of going on a great adventure with his step uncle bilbo. But in our little hobbit's heart he still loved the shire. One day while an older cinderfrodo was cleaning a messenger from the mayor came inviting all eligible men from the ages of 12 to 57 are to attend a party in the great meadow for his now eligible wartow daughter, to have her coming of age party where she would choose a hobbit husband and marry him, wither he wanted to or not. . (A wartow is the head of a wart hog and the butt of a cow, so as you could imagine the wartow produces lots of gas and our particular wartow is the only one in middle earth, which makes her even more desirable to those interested, which is not many). Evil uncle bilbo would not let poor cinderfrodo go to the party for he had no nice pretty clean dresses to wear and was forced to stay home and iron instead while merry and pippin went and had a spectacular time in their new dresses that had been made for the occasion. As poor cinderfrodo ran into the garden and began to sob mercilessly, he he he I'm going to make gandalf do that soon, a orb of sparkly shiny stuff began to rain down around cinderfrodo like a cloud was above him and no one else, which it really was, and appeared gandalf, cinderfrodo's fairy godmother. She whoops I mean he, granted cinderfrodo's wish to go to the party for he had desperately fallen in love with the wartow and needed to know if she loved him in return. He was dressed in the most dazzling dress that event eh most greediest king, such as isiulder had been, would cry at the sight of cinderfrodo's dress. But he had a warning, that if he did not earn the wartow's love in return by morning he would turn into a ball of flames, for it had seemed necessary since part of his name is cinder. He walked down the hill to the great meadow, passing a pond where a duck was floating as it seemed to call out to him, "I am a duck quack, quack" when in reality it had said 'I am a duck on crack, crack" but cinderfrodo was to lost daydreaming about his love, wartow. When he arrived cinderfrodo captured all eyes, all except the one he wanted and slowly walked up to introduce himself but got lost amidst the crowd surround him asking where his dress was from, who made it, what accessories he had on him, ect. Hey that sounds like a red carpet, which unbeknownst to him, it really was, and morning came all to fast and cinderfrodo was still surrounded by those stupid reporters, one who would not leave his side being named Joan rivers, and his love had already choosed her husband, a stuck up pompous from the mines of moria, and I am not joking he really was that way, and no I am not an elf, am not! Oh right sorry rina, I know I got you interested, so by the stroke of the sun, wait can it strike? But his fairy godmother appeared in a dark purple dress, seriously gandalf you would look good in purple, and since his wish had not come true, and said … some stupid words, and cinderfrodo bursted into flames because the wartow does not love him as he loves her. The end."

By that time they had reached rivendell and were told by lord elrond that frodo, the real one, happened to be here, wounded. The misguided rina stepped into the oncoming traffic of elves feet and nearly got squashed when elrond intervened,

"Oh how nice you brought more guests, oh and that what sarcasm, watch the little one!" scoops up rina from being squashed and places her in pocket next to warm stuffed animal that tries to make a move on little rina, "but first gandalf let us talk of these creature who, hey stop fondling Mr. Fluff!" he led us to his private study, which well isn't so private and looked at a Miranda crossly, which he never stops doing, looking crossly I mean. "Who are you and where do you come from?"

"I am a Miranda, other than that I have know idea."

"What? You confused me, and I do not get easily confused."

"Yes you do."

"Is that an insult?"

"Yes"

"Then I challenge you to get in that room and chain yourself up."

"Huh?"

"Go now!"

A Miranda walked into hidden room where she found a small can of shaving crème and noticed chains in corner where she, for once in her life, obeyed and locked herself up. Being satisfied with a Miranda elrond now looked at the tiny thingy in his pocket who was avoiding the stuffed animal with a now severe headache.

"Now what is your name?"

"I am rina and am from eh shire."

"The shire? I have another, actually quite a few others here from the shire, but none as small as you. What are you if that isn't to rude?"

"Rude! That is a complete and utter insult (screaming) which I will tell, (politely) I am a burra-hobbit."

"Ok, gandalf she needs to steam off, you take her whilest I interrogate the thing that locked HERSELF up! The stupid…"

"Hey I heard that!"

"You were supposed to."

"Oh…"

He handed over rina and walked into the dungeon, yes I know another dungeon and began questioning a Miranda when she uncapped something that was in her hand and sprayed it into elronds eyes. You and me know what it was, but all elrond knew was that it stung and he screamed and screamed and in the background you could hear gandalf chuckling who had no inclination to leave now, because who could resist watching elrond get pay back for his snootiness? He kept on screaming and had begun sobbing so that all the elves in rivendell began to gather at his door, but could only see elrond screaming in his dungeon for no apparent reason. A Miranda sprayed again into elrond mouth, this time to shut him up.

"You tricked me, now unlock me or I will spray more foul things into your mouth."

"elrond who by now had wiped his eyes clean was furious but had wanted to fight a Miranda hand to hand so he unlocked her and forced her to get up and was about to punch her when she noticed a sparkle on the wall and moved to look at it making LORD elrond punch the wall. A Miranda got mad at the person who was supposed to be sweet and nice for a lord, and resprayed him in the eyes.

The mischief never ends, tune in next time to see what more mischief and good fun ruckus occurs, so review and laugh, and review so we can all have more laughs. Oh and while you are reviewing…

"Reviewing what?"

Shut up rina this is my part, what are you going to review? The sky?

"Ok, it is pretty and green…"

The story, the story that is what you are going to review.

"Oh…"

Ok now review, no not the sky, imbecile…


	5. of all fun and pandamionium

 While elrond kept on screaming rina came over and fished unlocking a Miranda and then they ran off into rivendell and ran to hide in the bathroom. There the girls found a bath, so of course since causing ruckus is rina and mirandas favorite thing to do so they stepped up to the bath and spayed the shaving crème into the bath so that is had a nice foamy layer. Then hid behind a pillar to see who their victum would be. The first person to walk into the bathroom was Arwen Undomibal (or in their terms, the abomibal snowman, see later in chappie for details) she looked at the bath and figured that her father had prepared a special age reducing bath for her to lose her icky wrinkles that were starting to appear on her forehead, that damn trait passed down from unhappy people to unhappy people. She climed in after disrobing and found the whited crème to be soft and soothing. And soon disappeared under the foamy serface and when she popped up she hair and face wwere covered in the raspberry tasting shaving crème. Now as it might be for you, the watchers could not help but crack up, no not seriously, as they watched Arwen place more on her face, the water that once had been below the foam was now absored by the crème and the result was that their was no water, just shaving crème. After arwen got out and slipped into her dress with out noticing the foam allover herself and set off down the hall, the two misfief makers following. Every elf she passed looked at her with a quier look since she looked exactly like what I imagine the abominable snowman does. She though that the effects were working and that she is looking younger since all the male elves were guacking at her and all the female elves were envious, and once again the little dog has no idea and is only seeing what she wants to see. She came to her fathers study and knocked and entered. He was pacing the room as he had since a mirqanda had ran away and he which the rug was really beginning to show it since the carpet and ground had been worn away to nothing and now he was walking in the dirt getting his nice clean clothes icky which just made him pace more and it looked as though he had been crying since his eyes were red, but our secret is that it is from the shaving crème shhhh. With one look at arwen 

            "WHAT ON MIDDLE EARTH IS THIS, A NESTING GROUND FOR FREAKS!!!!"

            "daddy? What? Was that an insult?"

            "arwen, is that you?"

            "yes of course. Do I look that young already? Oh and thankyou for that wonderful foamy bath." Now if you mind lives in the gutter such as my co-authors does, you would be saying, "now that can be taken one of two ways" and I say "GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!"

            "who has done this to you arwen, is it gandalf?"

            "arwh?" came from gandalf who was standing discretly in the corner laughing, for he knew who did this, but was glad to see arewn knocked down a few pegs, if only aragorn would see this, and in walked aragorn.

            "oh, howdy gandalf, elrond, funny looking thingy. Elrond I am in desperate need of council, the bath has a funny white liquidy stuff in it and I think I know who the culprit is."

            "aragorn you insulting pig, how can you not know your love when you see her."

            "her? Huh? Oh you mean arwen, but huh?" elrond walked over to poor confused arwen and wiped her face with his sniffkief producing a white skninned fuming arewn underneath.

            "arwen so nice to see you, why were you disguised?"

            "aragorn she is a victim but first who do you think the culprit is?"

            "boromir of course, he is always being perverse like that."

            "oh, had not thought of him. Is he here?"

            "well no, not that I know of but still it could be him."

            "well that narrows it down, it is that demon who came into rivendell with you gandalf."

            "she is no demon, my calculations point to that she is one of the valor." Said an inconspectous being who randomly walked in.

            "who in middle earth are you?" says all except Elrond

            "I am elronds secretary, GHS, the king of all wargs and the smartest being in middle earth thank you very much."

            "huh?" replied every one but elrond.

            "never mind, aragorn go and search for a thingy ma bob that is female and GHS go fetch me my rolodex, I must have a council and must have representatives from every race in every high postion."

            "oh so you mean you want the ugly secretary…"

"hey I resent that."

"as I was saying…to go and get all well respected represenitive from every race to come to rivendell and show you there best sexual postion? Wow your as big a pervert as Boromir." And walked out to do his task and pray that he was not one of the representatives.

Gandalf still stood in the discreat corner laughing as ghs walked by not noticing the funny invisible thingy laughing at her joke while another very small one tried to get away from mr. Fluffy. Ghs continued to walk by aand went and fetched the royal rolodex of elronds. He came back into the study and placed it on a table and began to file through it, then a little creature spoke into his ears that he should not take this cruelity even if he is a secretary, he is the princ eof wargs and should be treated as a prince should be so he turned and walked out of the room without elrond noticing. Gandalf was curious as to what would happen so he stayed quiet about Miranda and rina as they stepped up to the rolodex. A Miranda looked at it questioningly, like she had know idea what to do with it and began rearing the alphabetical-by postion in court- names so that the rolodex made no sense at all. She then stepped away since their job was done and hide behind the pillar again. Elrond walked up to the rolodex murming bout how wargs are so unreliable and began to leaf through his rolodex unitl he noticed that they were all messed up.

"what the (please insert insult here)" and for some really strange reason, ok its just the authors whimsy, he began to sing his insults and curses, "I know who did this and she is going to pay (oh and find your own damn tune to this), she is a (please insert insult here) (please insert insult here) ("") (ditto)!"

he continued ranting until gilgalad, who walked in just as elrond started yelling and he knew what it would get like  so to make everyone else enjoy this chapture and to make them ingnore the yelling he began to play VALOR, also know as bingo in some dimionsions, but not mine. The elves began to pile in to his study all to play VALOR.

"Now every one the prize is that you get one of the fellowship, anyone of your choice, for one night to do with as you please. And yes master frodo, I know that the meeting has not started but we all know who will be part of it. Fine, aragorn, frodo, the other hobbits, gandalf, legolas, gimli, and boromir. Ok… V4…(sound of funny swirling and pop! A ball) L89…" and blah and blah and blah, they continued to play until elrond stopped yelling but still stood their quite oblivious to the Valor game around him. A Miranda and rina had not won because even though they played no one could quite figure out where the VALOR calls were coming from, elves I don't need to mention, won the fellowship people who by now had all come to rivendell despite not being summoned but wanted to know what elrond was screaming about since he can be heard all across middle earth and had sent the birds that for some reason they were all trying to catch, flying away to where ever they go when they fly away, and maybe that is why they were all pouting?

Elrond noticed that the every one for the council was already there so he metioned for everyone to take their places in the now not so secret council. As they took their places a Miranda and rina snuck behind legolas who did not notice them. When elrond started talking the girls began to put bugs and leaves in legolas's hair until he stood up thinking that it was one of his fellow evlves and realized he had to say something. Quite happy with their work a Miranda and rina moved on to their next victim who happened to be gimli. A Miranda whipped out here never ending can of shaving crème and sprayed a target onto an unnoticing gimli's head. A Miranda had "borrowed" legolas's bow and quiver and strung a arrow with a paint blob onto the point. She let loose the arrow just as gimli stood up to argue with a really ticked off legolas ( he is mad because he has bugs in his otherwise nice clean hair, and his bow and quiver are being "borrowed" by someone, which he of course blames on the nearest ugly creature, so like men.) the arrow went into the wood and luckly everyone was paying attention to the fight erupting and not to the arrow in the chair's seat. A Miranda quickly pulled out the arrow but did not have enough time to wipe off the piant until gimli sat down. When he got up again everyone started snickering and  gimli stood in confusion and anger looking wildly around him. 

"gimli may I be the first to tell you that we thought that you were a man." Cheered legolas, ready for another argument which did not come.

"what? Huh?"

"lord gimli you have a quite large stain on the back of your pants, and though it would explain a lot (explecially why you seem to always have pms) I don't quite think that you are a female"

gimli stood there horrified when lord elrond stood up again.

"you see, a creature has been running around with a little thing-a-ma-bober and has been attacking the citizens of middle earth." Said an annoyed elrond

"Wow this is so like our government"

"who said that?" all jump up in shock and demand an answer

"oh it is just I the authoress"

"oh" all sit back down

"we need to stop this fiend but first we must dystroy the ring… blah… blah…blah (you all know how he can talk forever, which he did and it was nearly nightfall when he shut up, he had put everyone to sleep, except a Miranda and rina who took the advantage to take a magical never ending permant marker that just appeared to every ones face) WAKE UP! What? Why are your faces covered in ickyness? Oh never mind… blah…blah…blah…" and so he continued till morning.

"now everyone review on what you just heard on the little sheet thingy that was given to you, what? Ghs give them the sheet, ok now review and I will continue on with my endless rant which is this story"

"shut up already elrond" spoke up ghs "and this is not your story." And once again all pandemonium broke loose, helped by, who else, Miranda and rina, and …


	6. the big bell

Lord Elrond was STILL talking when Miranda flung a question mark at him, startling him so much that he fell out of his seat. Every representive began laughing at him, so much that Elrond turned to GHS to tell GHS to tell everyone to shut up, but GHS was gone! Now only a few of the council members noticed this, but GHS had snuck away a few hours into the meeting to meet GHSP- Gina Heather Solves Problems- his girlwarg. Right now everyone assumed that they had gotten married since they could hear church bells in the distance.  
"See what women do to you, he was the smartest of all middle earth and she turned him into a blubbering fool." Elrond muttered under his breath. "Bloody stupid females"  
"How dare you insult my race, or what ever race that is." Butt in Miranda  
"Don't you mean gender?" asked some elf who does not matter  
"Yeah that too." Replied Miranda while Everyone shakes their heads. Elrond returned to his very very long and boring speech so Gil-galad appeared, knowing for how much longer Elrond would go on and.  
"Who here wants to play THIS IS MIDDLE EARTH JEOPARDY!" every member in the meeting sat up and began to pay attention to Gil-galad, "ok lets pick Boromir, Pippin and for our special guest we have Sauron.the eye not the armor, who lost his evil powers here, dun dun dun dun."  
"Ok our categories are- Races, If your head, stood but a little, farther from the ground and alpha-beta. Sauron you go first"  
"Ok" he turns his eye to a bush and begins to take a whiz.  
"No, no, no now you have to pick a category and besides your killing the plant, and that was long don't you have trees or toilets in Mordor"  
"No, the chip to my throne was stolen (I am referring to Lord of the toilets here) and I will take farther from the ground for three hundred"  
"There's only one question for that category so of course it would have to be for three hundred, imbeciles, ok- the orcs have a cave this in Moria"  
"Hair" rang in Boromir.  
"No" replied Gil-galad.  
"Torture" rang in Sauron.  
"No"  
"A troll! It's a troll, it nearly killed me. Wait this is before I died and we are in rivendell before this happened so how do I know that?"  
"One, sorry you cant ring in twice, two you did not phrase it as a "what is" answer and three, I have no idea the all but powerful authoress thinks its funny. Ok Sauron choose again."  
"Stood but a little"  
"Gimli is the son of who?"  
"Legolas" rang in pippin.  
"No, wow are people really that stupid?"  
"Hair" rang in Boromir.  
"Yes I know I have the best" called out Legolas, "hair you idiots GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!"  
"No" beep, beep rang the bell.  
"sauron choose again"  
"I will take races for seven hundred gilly gold fish"  
"How do you kill an elf?"  
"A large pointy ear" rang in Boromir.  
"No"  
"A broken hippo" rang in pippin.  
"No."  
"Hair" rang in Sauron.  
"No"  
"Fine then it must be torture" once again replied Sauron.  
"NO! And how many times do I have to tell you people no double ringing in!" yelled Gilly, but not enough to shut up Elrond who was now going on about shoes and their being on fire, but no one really cared and its beside the point. So on with the game.  
"Sauron your turn yet again, oh and to those who don't care, no one is winning in fact every one is so deep into this sh*t hole that they will never find their way out, but to Sauron and Boromir, they really don't seem to mind."  
"I'll take if your head"  
"Who hear braids his beard?"  
"Legolas"  
"No pippin"  
"Legolas"  
"No Sauron, are you people really this stupid yet again? This is never ending stupidity here"  
"Huh, I'm offended, if you people haven't noticed elves don't have beards." Called out Legolas yet again from his seat.  
"Legolas, I'm afraid for my life but I feel I have to tell you, have you ever looked down under?"  
"Huh?"  
"PUT YOUR MIND IN THE GUTTER! Well form the look on your face I see you still don't understand you simple minded fool. Sauron yet again the board is yours" Miranda and Rina sat in the back sniggering the whole time they wanted to play, it was not fair that no one seemed to notice them and their absent minded pranks.  
"I eat alphabeta for six hundred"  
"You really want to wager that much, wow you really must like sticking your head up your as*. Okay then, what is the name of my second cousin twice removed on his fathers side, damn fitly child"  
"Pippin"  
"No pippin that is not correct."  
"Hair"  
"No Boromir you imbecile go buy yourself some brains you really need it."  
"Azh gab gablt"  
"Since I have no idea what you just said, no wrongo get yourself an English language dictionary. Websters is nice this time of year, all the pretty pictures that you will, or at least might be able to understand. Anyways I didn't even know what his name is so..your all wrong. Okay that's it for round one when we return its double jeapordy time!"  
Disco lights drop down with a disco ball and gandalf comes walking out in a straight cut white suit and dances like John Trovlta, sorry people for that horrible image but yeah that's what he did. While every one was busy throwing up at that sight Rina and Miranda snuck over to Boromirs cubicle and stole his buzzer, this was going to be fun.  
"Okay we are back and that was extremely disturbing. Wait did you people go to a commercial like I said, no you had to show everyone that icky image that will forever be imprinted in our poor unsoiled minds."  
"I did go to a commercial" said random filmmaker who doesn't need a name because he is too stupid.  
"No you did not I apologize for all the Trolvota fans out their including my self."  
"Yes I did"  
"No you didn't"  
"Yes I did"  
"No you didn't"  
"Yes I did"  
"No you didn't"  
"No. you'r right I didn't"  
"Okay pack, I mean back to the show, the categories are T or F, the one ring, Morgoth. Sauron, oh hell I'm sick of you, pippin choose the category."  
"T or f"  
"True or false- do dwarf women have beards?"  
"Who is Legolas" pippin  
"Your fatter than a water buffalos back end when pmsing" yelled out a thourghly pissed Legolas. Boromir then had the bright idea to ring in, since he finally got the answer from looking in his dictionary and went to slam his hand down on the buzzer, and missed of course so that his hand just hit the cubicle. REALLY hard. A look of confusion crossed his face and Miranda and Rina sniggered.  
" I think you missed, but go ahead Boromir"  
"What is dumbwit"  
"Yes I know you are, and that answers what I just said, but how about the question?" Boromir shook his head to say he didn't know "ok then on with the game pippin choose again."  
"Morgoth, um, yeah"  
"Are you religious?"  
"HuH?" said all random people that we have yet to mention.  
"ANSWER THE QUESTION! ITS SIMPLE! ITS YES OR NO!" yelled Miranda  
"What is apple"  
"Pippin go by yourself a life."  
"Don't I have one?"  
"Not a good one, and we are going away from the question."  
"What is apple"  
"Once again Boromir no!"  
"Fine, Pippin choose again I give up on the last question."  
"The oneish ring for one thousand"  
"Ok, that's a hell of a lot of money, but moving on, is any one else noticing how much I swear? Ok the question, no pippin no ringing in that was not a question, the question is what on middle earth is under that glass bell?!?" he yelled out of shock as Miranda and Rina rolled out a large glass bell that had a large amount of foggy liquid gassy substance in the middle and slowly the top was picked up by the pair and slowly lifted so that within ten seconds all attending the meeting was snoring, yes the elves were snoring and quite loudly I must add, well all elves except Elrond who was still chatting away and had yet to take a breath in this ten minute span so that his face was beet red and growing purpler by the minute.  
This substance had allowed Miranda and Rina to sneak back into Elronds study and find his rolladex. The latter flipped through and found a card that was labeled  
  
Mr. Hart  
Rivendell  
  
Rina showing it to Miranda smiled and both ran off in search of this insanely indescribable man who has their great respect by also being insane, obviously, and was the pairs greatest person to annoy, well besides Gandalf and Elrond, but they shall be annoyed further for information on the whereabouts of this hero. They came upon a awake and semi drowsy council who the effects of the bell had won off and were looking fairly pissed. Rina and Miranda hid behind a pillar and watched as Elrond finally commenced his speech.  
"I declare you people, well races standing in front of me the Fellowship of the ring" went on elrond. The meeting ended and all were dispersed to their rooms or where ever they were supposed to be. But before Miranda and Rina could go and ask Elrond where Mr. Hart was, Aragorn grabbed the two and pulled them into the nearest shop to buy their needed items to pack.  
By the time they walked out, Aragorn had no money or anything that resembled money, wealth and jewelry on him, and had his arms full of bags that contained many items and useless junk that was just bought for the fact to make Aragorn broke. He finally dumped the objects into the assigned dungeon that was now the evil doers bedroom. He turned and ran afraid that he would be forced to do other unimaginable things that consisted of loosing even more money (get your mind out of the gutter). Rina and Miranda sat down pulled everything out of the bags and began packing.  
Their bags now were filled with; five toothbrushes, seven toothpastes, 48 dental flosses, five deodorents and bath powder, three pain relievers (they had ran out of money to by more) and eight lip balms. It is funny that though Miranda and Rina are not the least bit interested in their appearance and hygiene, sometimes, they figured the men would need it more than they did, except for the pain reliever which was all Miranda's.  
And the end of the day found them still packing these items, and as the shadows grew along the dungeon and they were found the morning they were to leave out cold on the ground, fast asleep, still needing more packing.  
  
And so I dub thee a new chapture full of laughs, I hope this afternoon this article was published-. Rina has decided that she needs time off so the next three weeks might not be consisting of updates. Rina is Sorry that this one took so long but the exams had arrived and Rina needed to study. -Or so the Christmas tree published in the middlearthen most boringest news. Ok see you soon.! Oh and please please please review. 


End file.
